my friends have always told me (sometimes harshly and brutal, sometimes in the most subtle way they can) that i always "jaga hati" other people too much..i tend to do whatever that is required and as much as i possible can for people i care about, just to avoid confrontations.. i tend to let people around me walk all over me that it comes to a point i have been taken for granted, that i was expected to do something, just because i agreed for the previous 100 millions times.. sometimes when i actually have the courage to say no, they look at me blankly and go, "wat??" like im speaking in some kind of foreign language..and declared me moody or loony for the day or im in some kind of "bad mood" or that im angry at them or something like that, which generally in turn makes me feel guilty like im such a bad person that i half wished i'd just said yes in the first place..
anyway, i have never ever been described as "selfish" and more often than not i would usually be described as "too nice" or "easily been taken for granted" or something of that sort..
the point of this blog?
something happened in my life in recent months and the decision that i made was completely selfish.. and the lack of guilty feeling was overwhelming and scary and liberating at the same time.. for once i put my happiness first, for once i dont care wat other people think of me, for once i let myself think and feel for only myself.. even though i know wat i did would hurt a certain person that i care about and under normal circumstances, the old me, the previous me would battle this decision and i would not do it and i would end up feeling sad and miserable and i'd ended up hurting so much and i'd be bitterly resentful at the world because yet again i was deprived of the happiness that could have been mine.. and frankly i am sick and tired of feeling that way...
my best friend told me that life is too short for me to worry about other people's happiness all the time and sometimes u have to be a little selfish to get wat u want... wat i fear is that i may be more than a "little" selfish... i think i've gone from caring too much to not caring at all.. why do i always do things to the extreme?
2 comments:
sometimes the extreme is the only way to go. n i always believe (but sometimes tend to forget, and repeat)that you should move on with the decision you've made, and not look back. everything happens for a reason. if wat you did is wrong, somewhere along the way, you'll see the wrong, but if it's right, then you've made the right choice. right? stay happy and smiling dearie. missing ya.
thanks babe..im glad i got your support on this one :)
missing ya too :(
Post a Comment