if i am

today is a public holiday here.

and im in the office, working as usual.

some things never change while others moved too fast that i cant catch up.

its been a while since i last update on my phd progress. yes the dream is still there, and am trying harder than ever now.

a few weeks ago, i got a horrible asthma attack, it has been quite a while, ive always been asthmatic but usually i avoid things that i know would trigger it. so it was kinda of a surprise when i got hit so bad, that i had to go for the nebuliser for 15 minutes at the office clinic and rest there for a while. the doctor confirmed it was due to stress and too much work that trigger it. go figure. i text my boss while i was literally breathing through a machine that i am sick and thus would not be able to make it to the presentation due in 15 minutes. everything is completed and i have briefed him on it, so i asked if he could do it instead.

his response was to delay the presentation for an hour so that i can come back up to present it after i am able to breathe normally again.

how sick is that?

how selfish and inconsiderate and thoroughly sick is that?

and what is even more sickening is that i actually did it. i actually went back up to my office and did the presentation and continued to work until 9pm.

despite actually getting a week's medical leave from the doctor who was very worried about my unusually low blood pressure and bloodshot eyes.

so yes, the phd dream is still there. i know i have to work just as hard to get the doctorate, i know the stress level is high too and i know all the up and downs it. im fully aware how lonely and frustating and even more terrifying as you are on scholarship where extensions and failures are not an option.

but at least the end result is your dream coming true.

the end result is your own satisfaction.

the end result will make you happy and it will benefit you endlessly.

the end result is all about you.

and that is a good enough reason.