the end of the term started with a bang, a knock on the head, a slap on the face and a kiss on the cheek..sound dramatic? well, it is, and for once, im not exaggerating (well, at least slightly less than usual hehehe)
my studies here in the great uk have almost come to an ending, with just a couple more courseworks to go, what's left is just the 4 months of the thesis to write and at the end of that, i have to make my way home and continue with my work, having been bonded for the next two years..the question is, do i really have to go home? offers are not exactly pouring in for me to continue work here in foreign land, but i have received enough and it is attractive enough for me to consider staying on, a thought that have never really occurred before but something im definetely considering right now...i recently wrote to my boss and also to the head of HR of my company to inquire of their plans upon my return, and received the reply a couple of days ago and sadly (but not surprisingly) they were unable to provide me with a satisfactory answer..and i most certainly do not want to return to the company doing what i did before, it'll be just a waste..
sometimes i wish i could be one of those people that are quite happy to do whatever job that is given to them and work in an environment where the work is mundane and hardly challenging, but as long the money is allright, they are quite content to stay where they are... i have never been one of those person, and i hope i never will be, i have respect for those people who can, but i know i would just be utterly miserable and might lead to drastic actions of quiting and becoming a conductor for a mini bus instead, just for the sake of some excitement in my life huhu
so here i am again, in a position where i have to think what i want to do in my life..and since i dont have the luxury of time in my hands, i really really have to decide on something soon...
further happenings of the week...
a dear dear friend had just completed his Phd and is now officially a Dr, my heartiest congrats to him :) and altho we are very happy for him, we are ( well, i at least am) pretty sad as well as this means that he will be leaving us and going home soon...sigh..kurang lagi sorang malaysian kat plymouth nie, dah lah memang sikit huhu and i would lose a very valuable friend..i know i know its not that he's moving to Timbuktu or anything, still, he will be very away and i will miss him very much..
upon my return from the spring trip i receive an unpleasant news with regards to one of my best friend..i was pretty shocked and certainly didnt expect it as to me they seemed like almost the perfect couple..but these things happens sometimes without reason and the only thing to do is pray and hope for the best..to my dear darling frend, im really sorry i couldnt be there for you, and there is nothing i wish more than flying home right now just to give you a hug, but i shall leave you with a quote that our dear friend once gave and hope you will get through this stronger than ever..
"kadang-kadang Allah sembunyikan matahari, Dia datangkan petir dan kilat, Kita menangis dan tertanya-tanya, ke mana hilang nya sinar? Rupa-rupanya Allah nak hadiahkan kita Pelangi"
as ending to my really really long blog ( i really do have a lot write!) there is two more things that happened that i need to let out of my system..
the first is that i have totally given up trying to maintain a friendship with someone..she is just not the kind of person i want to be friends with, and i have tried and tried and tried and im just too tired to try anymore, i forfeit..she has done and said way to many things that are just too hurtful and insensitive, silliness and childishness i can tolerate, hypocrisy is something i cant, and since she is unwilling to even try to step down from the i-am-the-victim-and-the-world-owes-me-favors pedestal she has put herself on, there is really nothing much i can do but step away and let her be in her own world.. its just amazing that i have tolerated her this long anyway, i have enough friends, and i certainly do not need another one, at least not of this kind..
and on to better news, my courseworks for the term have just been received and i am happy to report that i have managed to maintain a good average :) this term have been really really dificult and i am thoroughly emotionally and brain-ly drained :p but it was well worth it.. receiving the marks via emails, posts and personal handing over by lecturers did put some butterfly nerves in my stomach, wished they could all just be printed on a piece of paper instead of scattered all over the place huhu
so that's the end of this blog..its been a fairly melancholy blog hasn't it? well, i am in a melancholy mood, too many things to think about and too many emotions being felt at the same time, next time i'll write about something more cheerful :) but for now, i will you with something i found through my readings..
Thinking is another attribute of the soul; and here I discover what properly belongs to myself. This alone is inseparable from me. I am -- I exist: this is certain; but how often? As often as I think; for perhaps it would even happen, if I should wholly cease to think, that I should at the same time altogether cease to be. I now admit nothing that is not necessarily true: I am therefore, precisely speaking, only a thinking thing, that is, a mind, understanding, or reason, -- terms whose signification was before unknown to me. I am, however, a real thing, and really existent; but what thing? The answer was, a thinking thing. The question now arises, am I aught besides? I will stimulate my imagination with a view to discover whether I am not still something more than a thinking being. Now it is plain I am not the assemblage of members called the human body; I am not a thin and penetrating air diffused through all these members, or wind, or flame, or vapour, or breath, or any of all the things I can imagine; for I supposed that all these were not, and, without changing the supposition, I find that I still feel assured of my existence.
-Rene Descartes, "The Nature of the Human Mind" from 'Meditations on First Philosophy', 1641
-Rene Descartes, "The Nature of the Human Mind" from 'Meditations on First Philosophy', 1641
2 comments:
Dear Nique,
Yeah. Time is indeed very fast when we have reached the zenith of its comfort. When talking about future plans, I would say, you are right - which means, you have to ask yourself. A very bright person like you is just like a quality seed. Whenever you were thrown on a soil, in any kind of weather, you would be able to grow, bear the fruits and makes the soil happy. So much so, I have the similar thought as what you have been contemplating. In the end, I have to ask myself: what I really want in my career life: high perks? satisfaction? position? doing my own business (consultancy)? doing something different? or else, move into a different field? But, believe me, I have never gotten the accurate answer, until I would have to wait and witness what will come in few months time. But, as a friend, I would say: keep your options open and at times, your employer will be willingly to listen and chart your career plan and thinking of a succession planning. Besides, pray to Allah the best and make full use of what we have gone through as a Chevening Scholar in the United Kingdom of Great Britain. This is life!
Note: about your friend, sometimes, it's hard to please everyone in life. At times, I have taken the wise liberty not to please all people, even if I have tried my sincerely level best to attain that. Feelings, impressions and emotions dictate us, but whether our friends understand what we have gone through is another chapter altogether. Check and balance in friendship, will always be the best, I think.
Cheers!
Noris
Noris Dearie,
when did u get so wise? :)
you are quite right, on both topics. the first part about my future, my choices are enormous and my biggest fear is that i would make the wrong choice, but i guess that's the risk i have to take. but im grateful knowing that other people, like yourself are going through the same thing, hope we both are able to make the best decisions for ourselves and meanwhile, enjoying the last few months our stay here in the uk! :)
about the friend thing, you are quite wise in taking the such neutral position, i had to learn the hard way :( but i think im too nice sometimes and i allow people to just walk all over me..hmm something i have to work on, but thanks for the advice :)
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